This took me a month to figure out how to do this on my phone. So suck it.

Okay holy bajeesus. This is super outdated. Okay so since I last wrote I have been to Paris, all through Belgium, Amsterdam, Berlin, Budapest, all down the west side of Germany and through Switzerland (with my mom).

Okay so Paris was fucking awesome. Me and Elise went to all the normal sites blah blah. But we went to the museum of erotic art. Which of course led to awkward encounters with creepy men (wandering thru the museum solo) in north face jackets, greasy hair, ugly sandals, etc. You know the type. The museum was full of dildos and porn and everything sexual you can think of ranging from the early 1900s to today. Super weird and pretty... Intriguing? ... We also watched the world cup finals in Paris which was really fun. Essentially we wound up taking shots of nasty cheap tequila (always keepin it classy) and dancing on bartops with española women.

Amsterdam was seriously the biggest surprise of every city we went to. It was really clean and had a lot to offer. Including ten dollar grams of daannkk that I of course pounced on immediately. It was so refreshing/relaxing/fucking awesome to roll my own joint and be like, listen bitches, I'm gonna smoke this and be stoned as hell and it's leeggaalll.-- beyond the weed business we hit up the van gogh museum which was phenomenal. SERIOUSLY the red light district is a trriipp. I was just casually walking around checking out the hookers and this one harlot just prances out of her little window and grabs my arm, caresses it down, and tries to convince me and this guy I was walking with to come in. Hell no am I about to touch some red light district vag. Homegirl be paying me for that Hahah. After the stripper encounter... We decided to go to a cheap sex show. TERRIBLE mistake. If you ever find yourself wondering if you should enter a shady sex show do yourself a favor and go drink more beer instead. Holy shit. I have never seen more middle aged flacid penis in my life. I'm pretty sure everyone involved is scarred for life. Ew. Just writing about that gave me the heeby jeebys. And this is like... 2.5 weeks later!! - me an Elise an these two guys we met decided to drink that shady memory away in a bar where me and this guy mischa (yes, like mischa barton) wound up pinching every persons ass in the bar for our own personal enjoyment. Apparently Russian ice princesses to not take ass pinching too kindly... Because I almost got socked in the face... But escaped unscathed (luckily).